Strange Things are Happening
by Nike Megami
Summary: Woo hoo! What would happen if Diablos's powers weren't limited to those you get in the game? Read and find out, and please review! (Note: not for those squeamish against shonen ai/yaoi @_@)


DISCLAIMER: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, the characters or locations associated with the game, or anything else except the game discs. All rights are for the wonderful people at Squaresoft, without whom the world would be very sad.  
  
This fic is the result of my pondering the potential of Diablos's powers if exploited. As Selphie is my fave character, she has been made the main character ~.* Anyway, I hope you enjoy my first ever chatroom-style fic! ^_^  
  
  
SELPHIE: (typing in a computer) Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Balamb Garden Festival Chatroom!! Enjoy your chat!  
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:  
:  
:  
SELPHIE: (typing) Hello? Anyone here?  
IRVINE: Selphie-chan, you only just opened the chat. Don't expect people to rush in all at once.  
SELPHIE: But it's the best chatroom ever! Why don't people like me?  
IRVINE: Now that's a lie, and you know it. I like you.  
SELPHIE: You don't count! You always like me just 'cuz you're a ecchi!!  
IRVINE: (gasps) I AM NOT AN ECCHI!!  
SELPHIE: ECCHI!!!! (runs away from the computer and out of the room, bumping into Squall)  
SQUALL: (notices tears in Selphie's eyes) Whassup?  
SELPHIE: IRVINE'S A ECCHI AND NO ONE LIKES MY CHATROOM! WAAA!!! (runs down the hall)  
SQUALL: ...Whatever.  
SELPHIE: (collapses on her bed and starts crying) Why am I only cute little Selphie? Why doesn't anyone take me seriously?! (cries some more)  
DIABLOS: (sneaks up behind Selphie) Boo.  
SELPHIE: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKK GF QUEZALCOATL SUMMON NOW!!!  
QUETZAL: (blows everything up)  
DIABLOS: (twitch twitch) Oww, I just came by to see what's wrong...  
SELPHIE: NO ONE LIKES ME! WAAAAAAAAAA!!! NO ONE TAKES ME SERIOUSLY! WAAAAA!!!  
DIABLOS: It's because you don't have THE POWER. (rises and flaps his wings a little) But I can give you THE POWER, and everyone will worship the ground you walk on.  
SELPHIE: (sniffle) Really?  
DIABLOS: Really.  
QUETZAL: You better not trust him, Selphie. He's a shady one, that Diablos.  
DIABLOS: Oh, what's not to like about me? I'm tall, I'm dark, I'm handsome, and I kick more ass than you.  
QUETZAL: (prepares to launch another thunderbolt)  
SELPHIE: It's okay, Quetzal. I'll give it a try. Diablos, what do I have to do?  
DIABLOS: Just junction me up, and in no time I'll learn THE ABILITY.  
SELPHIE: To do what?  
DIABLOS: To use THE POWER.  
SELPHIE: Does "THE POWER" have a real name?  
DIABLOS: No. It is called THE POWER because a mortal cannot handle the capabilities of its true name. Your heart would explode and your head would swell up and burst.  
SELPHIE: Eeeuw, that's nasty...  
DIABLOS: What'd I tell you? Now let's get this thing on!  
QUETZAL:...Ecchi.  
DIABLOS: WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!  
QUETZAL: Ecchi.  
DIABLOS: So what?  
SELPHIE: YOU'RE A ECCHI TOO!? YUCK! FORGET IT!  
DIABLOS: But don't you want THE POWER? Don't you want everyone to love you?  
SELPHIE: Umm.....(junctions Diablos)  
DIABLOS: I thought so. Now let's go to the training center.  
SELPHIE: Okay! I'll bring the guys with me so I can use THE POWER on them right away!  
DIABLOS: That's the spirit, Selphie-chan. Heh heh heh...  
Later, outside in the hallway...  
SHIVA: (blasts the water and then sits down amongst the ice blocks) Ahh...so refreshing...  
SQUALL: ...-.-; Cold enough for you, Shiva?  
SHIVA: Not just yet. (rises up and blasts it again until it's frozen completely solid and the whole Garden is covered with frost) That's much better. (sits back down and sips a margarita)  
SQUALL: ...Whatever.  
RINOA: Hey, Squall! What's u—what's Shiva doing in the water?  
SQUALL: She's waiting for Diablos to give her a massage.  
RINOA: But why did she freeze the entire school?  
SQUALL: Beats me.  
SELPHIE: Hey, guys! How about we go to the training center to level up?  
ZELL: (shoving a hot dog into his mouth) Fhure fing, Felphie-chan! Le'f go!  
SELPHIE: What?  
ZELL: (swallows) I mean, Sure thing, Selphie-chan! Let's go!  
IRVINE: I get to come too, don't I, honeybuns?  
SELPHIE: (rolls her eyes) Okay, Irvine. (thinks: Maybe once I get THE POWER he'll stop being such a pervert and actually appreciate me.)  
SQUALL: Let's go. (walks to the training center behind Selphie)  
They wipe out all but one of the monsters in the training center and finally, in a battle with a T-Rexaur, Diablos speaks to Selphie.  
DIABLOS: You now have THE POWER, Selphie-chan. Now use it, and they will all worship you!  
SELPHIE: All right! GF ABILITY: THE POWER!!!! (blinding flash of light)  
QUISTIS: Selphie-chan, what're you—AAAAaaaaa......!  
  
SELPHIE: (wakes up a bit later on the ground in the training center) Hm...where am I?  
SQUALL: Selphie-sama! Are you all right?  
SELPHIE: Huh? What the hell—  
SQUALL: (hugs Selphie tight) You're all right! Poor Selphie-sama, I thought that T-Rexaur had you.  
SELPHIE: Squall-kun, what's going on? Isn't Rinoa gonna get mad that you're hugging me?  
SQUALL: Her? She's on a date with Seifer. They won't be back for a long time... (kisses Selphie on the cheek) Besides, I don't care about her.  
SELPHIE: Squall-kun! Cut it out!  
SQUALL: But Selphie-sama...I was worried about you.  
SELPHIE: Where's Irvine? (wriggles out of Squall's arms)  
SQUALL: (looks hurt) He's in the cafeteria with Zell. But why would you wanna—  
SELPHIE: Never mind, Squall-kun. (thinks: I wonder if he'll worship me now and not be a pervert.)  
(walks to the cafeteria)  
SELPHIE: Yo, Irvine-kun! Zell-kun!  
IRVINE: Hey, Selphie-san! What's up!  
SELPHIE: (Yes! He respects me!) Irvine-kun, how are you today? I think it's kinda hot in here. (sits in his lap and kicks her legs, obviously trying to get cuddly with him)  
IRVINE: ...Um...Selphie-san...what're you...  
ZELL: Hey, you get offa him now!  
SELPHIE: (hooks her arms around Irvine's neck and glares at Zell) What, Zell-kun? You want me that bad?  
ZELL: GET OFF MY MAN!!!  
SELPHIE: WHAT?! (almost hits the floor) YOUR MAN?! Excuse me, Irvine is all mine, and if you have a problem with that you can talk it out with Quetzal!—Wait a minute, you said he was YOUR man? Your MAN??  
ZELL: Yeah, he's my man, he's my darling, and if you have a problem with our relationship go take it up with Headmaster Cid.  
SELPHIE: When did you turn gay, Irvine? (glares accusively)  
IRVINE: I've always been like this, Selphie-san. Even if you are the highest-ranking SeeD in the world, I can't just give up the love of my life for you. (cradles Zell's head in his arms)  
SELPHIE: ...I'm the highest-ranking SeeD? How'd that happen?  
ZELL: I dunno. You're the one who annihilated the Galbadian force in Dollet single-handedly!  
SELPHIE: Wow......this all has to be some strange dream.  
IRVINE: It's the truth, Selphie-san. Go ask Squall if you don't believe me.  
SELPHIE: Okay... (But Squall's the ecchi now. I don't know if this is such a good idea...) (walks to Squall's room and sits down on his bed) (Wow, what a soft bed he has. I wonder if Rinoa—wait, she's out with Seifer. I always thought those two would make a cute couple. I wonder where Quistis-san is...)  
SQUALL: (walks in and almost hits the ceiling) Selphie-sama! What are you doing here?  
SELPHIE: Um, I was just waiting for you to come back so I could talk to you about something...  
SQUALL: (heart pounding) Oh, but I am not worthy of you, Selphie-sama. You deserve more than a lowly SeeD like me.  
SELPHIE: Squall-kun, you're not bad.  
SQUALL: Really? Does that mean I am worthy of your attention?  
SELPHIE: (rolls her eyes) Of course, Squall-kun.  
SQUALL: (sits on the bed next to Selphie and embraces her) Selphie-sama...Thank you so much.  
SELPHIE: For what? EEP!  
SQUALL: (pushes her down onto the pillows) Selphie-sama...You've given me the chance to express how I truly feel. Since I first met you I couldn't get enough of your sweet, charming smile and your cheerful attitude. You've given me something to look forward to, Selphie-sama; since you're the best SeeD in the world, I want to do everything I can to succeed. But since you're so great I thought I had no more of a chance than all the other fools who worship you from afar.  
SELPHIE: Squall-kun, what are you talking about?  
SQUALL: Selphie-sama, I love you so much it damn near kills me every time you get hurt. Everyone knew I loved you except you, but now you know, because out of the kindness of your heart you allowed me to get closer to you than anyone else.  
SELPHIE: (blushing profusely) Wow, Squall, I had no idea you felt this way...I think it's sweet that you care so much about me.  
SQUALL: (blushes and chuckles) Oh, Selphie-sama... (flings off his jacket and all his belts and throws himself on top of her)  
SELPHIE: Squall! What do you think you're doing??  
SQUALL: OH, Selphie-sama, I'm so sorry. I should have asked first. Please feel free to punish me. (sits with his head lowered and pouts)  
SELPHIE: Don't worry about it, Squall. I won't hurt you. (Ohmigod, he's so hot up close! I always thought he was ice cold!) But...what is it you really want from me?  
SQUALL: (turns away) For you to accept me.  
SELPHIE: I already have, Squall. I care about you.  
SQUALL: (eyes widen, looks hopeful) Really, Selphie-sama?? (smiles for the first time she can ever remember)  
SELPHIE: I just refuse to be on bottom. (pounces on him)  
Much, much later, Selphie comes out of Squall's room looking dizzy and happy.  
SELPHIE: Note to self: Do NOT play Twister with Squall...I wonder where Quistis is...Hey, anyone seen Quistis?  
RANDOM STUDENT: Not since she moved to Galbadia Garden, Selphie-san. Where have you been?  
SELPHIE: What?! She moved?  
RANDOM STUDENT: Yeah, didn't you hear she's engaged to Martine?  
SELPHIE: (gulp) I guess I haven't been paying attention...Where's the nearest radio link?  
RANDOM STUDENT: In the Headmaster's office. But you should have no problem, seeing as how you're everyone's favorite...  
SELPHIE: (I'm everyone's favorite? YAY!!! If only I was Zell's favorite...or Irvine's...) (goes up to Cid's office) Um, Mr. Cid, sir...  
CID: Just call me Cid, Selphie. What do you want?  
SELPHIE: Um, I wanted to talk to Quistis in Galbadia...  
CID: No problem. Edea, are you almost done?  
EDEA: Just a minute! My sister got a new kitty! (turns back to the radio and chatters incessantly)  
SELPHIE: ...Um....what the...I thought she was trying to take over the world.  
CID: Oh, no, dear Selphie. Thanks to you, we got marriage counseling, and we're happier than we could ever be!  
EDEA: All right, here you go... (walks off to lounge in her happy meditation chair)  
SELPHIE: (calls up Galbadia) Hi, is Quistis there?  
GALBADIA DUDE: It's Selphie-san! Get Quistis on the double! (scuffling, and then Quistis shows up)  
QUISTIS: Why hello, Selphie-san. How are you today?  
SELPHIE: (Whoa, even she looks up to me!) Uh, I'm okay. I think something screwy's been goin' on, though. Everything seems to be different from what I last remember, and there are things that I seem to have forgotten that everyone else knows.  
QUISTIS: (laughs lightly) Silly Selphie-san. Don't you know that GFs block parts of your memory?  
SELPHIE: Oh yeah...  
QUISTIS: If that's all you needed to know, Selphie-san, then I'll be going now. I have to go pick out my wedding dress today. Ciao! (looks over her shoulder and pulls out the whip) Oh Martine... (whipCRACK!!)  
SELPHIE: ^.^; (closes the line) Oh dear... (stumbles about, realizing she doesn't know where her room is, and walks back to Squall's room)  
SQUALL: Selphie-sama...Why are you here again?  
SELPHIE: I'm gonna spend the night in here. Is that okay with you?  
SQUALL: (piles some blankets on the floor and makes up the bed for Selphie) Of course it is! Here, you have the bed.  
SELPHIE: I won't be going to bed just yet, Squall. I have a nagging suspicion about something... (walks out of the room)  
SQUALL: Okay, Selphie-sama... (curls up on the floor and falls asleep)  
SELPHIE: (finds Zell's room) Zell, are you in there? There's something I wanna talk about.  
ZELL: (unintelligible grunting) Not now, Selphie-san.  
SELPHIE: But it's important! I really need to talk with you!  
IRVINE: Go away! We're busy...Oh, you little devil, you!  
SELPHIE: That's it. (busts down the door) What do you two think you—  
IRVINE AND ZELL: (both nude and under the covers of Zell's bed) AAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! (cling to each other for safety)  
SELPHIE: GF QUEZALCOATL SUMMON NOW!!!  
QUETZAL: (blows everything up)  
In the charred ruins of Zell's room, Irvine and Zell scramble to put some kind of clothing on their lower halves and confront Selphie.  
IRVINE: Why'd you have to come in and blow everything up, Selphie-san? We were having a nice time together!  
SELPHIE: Not on my time, you don't. This is urgent.  
ZELL: So urgent you had to blow up my freakin—  
SELPHIE: SHUT UP AND LISTEN!! Look, I think something freaky is happening. Squall's not bein' his normal cold self, you two are all over each other, and nothing's the way it should be!!  
ZELL: What are you talking about? You're the one who saved us all from the Sorceress!  
SELPHIE: But it's not right! Edea's supposed to try to take over the world, and we're supposed to find out that she was our caretaker at the orphanage, and...and...  
IRVINE: I think you've had a rough day. Maybe you shouldn't junction any GFs for a few days, Selphie-san. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better.  
SELPHIE: (flashback to what Quistis said earlier) Wait...maybe it isn't just me...maybe it's a GF... (runs out to the hall and summons Diablos)  
SELPHIE: Okay, Diablos, I appreciate all the fame and hoo-hah, but what the hell is going on?! Irvine acts as if he'd never touch a woman, much less care about me! I want Irvine back!!  
DIABLOS: But you saw what he was doing. Apparently he thinks Zell has a better booty than you.  
SELPHIE: But that's not fair!! You said you'd make everyone worship me! They don't worship me; they barely even acknowledge me, they're so wrapped up in each other!  
DIABLOS: Hey, I never said I would make things perfect for you. You seemed to enjoy Squall, so why are you complaining?  
SELPHIE: (blushes profusely) Because it's not right! Nothing is the way it should be!  
DIABLOS: (laughs wickedly) Foolish child! You really thought I would fulfill your one measly wish without having some fun myself? My powers are related to time and space, fool, not granting wishes. Go talk to Alexander about wishes.  
ALEXANDER: I take offense at that. I am not a genie in a magic lamp.  
SELPHIE: Yeah, you're the one who came from the magic lamp!  
DIABLOS: o.O; Anyway, I transported you to an alternate reality because that's my power. And the only way for you to get back is to knock me out, though I sincerely doubt you can do that with your limited talents.  
SELPHIE: GF SUMMON...  
DIABLOS: Now now, don't be rash. You know I'll just beat down your little Quetzal.  
SELPHIE: ALL!!! NOW!!!  
Every other GF besides Diablos is summoned, and they all glare at him.  
DIABLOS: Uh...guys, why are you looking at me like that? You're not gonna...oh no......  
SHIVA: Bring it on. (blows up Diablos)  
Carbuncle and Cerberus leap at Diablos and begin to bite him. The other GFs blow the crap out of him until he lies on the ground unconscious. Another blinding light surrounds Selphie, and she passes out.  
  
Some time later, still in the training center...  
SELPHIE: ...(wakes up) What the.... What happened?  
IRVINE: Selphie-chan! Are you all right? (picks her up)  
SELPHIE: Huh? Irvine, what the—  
IRVINE: (puts a finger on her lips) Ssh, don't speak. That T-Rexaur almost ate you. Good thing we summoned all our GFs to save you. (looks behind her at Diablos) He kinda got caught in the blast, though.  
SELPHIE: So it wasn't me who summoned all the others?  
QUISTIS: You weren't doing anything, Selphie. You called out some weird ability from Diablos and then stood there, frozen. The T-Rexaur would have eaten you if we hadn't done something.  
SELPHIE: Quistis? You're here?  
QUISTIS: Of course I'm here. Have a few potions. (tosses a few potions at her, which she happily guzzles)  
SELPHIE: (wipes her face on Irvine's sleeve) So, if you're here, Quistis, that means Rinoa isn't dating Seifer...  
RINOA: Eh? What now?  
SELPHIE: ...and Squall didn't sleep with me...  
SQUALL: (blushes) WHAT?!  
RINOA: (glares at Squall, narrowing her eyes and preparing to beat the crap out of him)  
ZELL: (laughing at Squall) Hah hah, she's gonna lay the beat down on you!  
SELPHIE: ...and Zell & Irvine weren't all over each other like lovesick puppies...  
ZELL: (almost hits the floor) WHAT!? YOU CALLIN' ME GAY?! I AIN'T GAY!! I'M MORE STRAIGHT THAN A BOARD OF WOOD! YOU WANNA CALL ME GAY? HUH?! I'LL LAY BOOYA ON YOUR ASS!!!   
IRVINE: Heh heh, it seems Zell can't take a joke.  
SELPHIE: But it wasn't a joke! You hardly even cared about me, you were so in love with him.  
IRVINE: ^^; (scratches the back of his head) Uh, Selphie, where were you just now?  
SELPHIE: In an alternate reality created by Diablos. Everyone worshiped me except you. It was almost as if you didn't like me.  
ZELL: Goodnight everybody! (walks off ranting and raving, followed by Rinoa and Quistis and later Squall, who constantly rolls his eyes and tries to convince Rinoa that he did nothing with Selphie)  
IRVINE: Poor Selphie-chan, you must have had a nightmare. You know I love you. I'd never do anything to hurt you on purpose.  
SELPHIE: Yay!! Now will you please take me to my room? I wanna take a nap.  
IRVINE: Sure. (stands up and starts carrying her away) You mind if I take a nap with you?  
SELPHIE: Not at all!....  
They disappear down the hall, leaving Diablos in the training center.  
DIABLOS: ...Why me? Why doesn't anyone like me? Why can't I be popular...?  
SHIVA: Down, boy. (blasts him) You still owe me a massage.  
DIABLOS: Oh, man! I was hoping I'd get out of it by being knocked out... (starts massaging Shiva's shoulders)  
SHIVA: Hey, watch the claws...  
SIREN: But I healed you with my gentle waves of pure love. (smiles angelically and plays her harp)  
IFRIT: Oh, blow it out your rear!  
MINOTAUR: You've been hanging around Zell too long, haven't you?  
SACRED: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!  
MINOTAUR: Who you callin' Sherlock, boy?  
CERBERUS: Mm....T-Rexaur bones... (munch munch munch)  
QUETZAL: At least things are back to normal now...  
RANDOM STUDENT: ^^; Well, I thought about picking up a GF, but I guess they're all too crazy for me...  
GFs: NANI!??!?! (blow everything up)  
  
THE END (Thank Heaven!!)


End file.
